There’s not much that sends my other half running for cover. Other than me clutching a carving knife around about the 3rd of each month. But one thing sure to have him move quicker than when the bar maid calls closing time is an ad for Halifax.

We’ve both been bothering the advertising industry for the best part of 25 years and can probably lay claim to the odd growler that’s been aired for all to ridicule, but the latest slew of Halifax ads, using a selection of over-weight employees in some mock radio station, has really hit new lows.

A quick whizz round the interweb elicits more venom for these ads than for Hitler! There’s a I Hate Halifax ads facebook page, unprintable comments on youtube.com and forums a-plenty. In fact, I don’t ever think I’ve seen such hatred for a piece of advertising since – well never actually. In fact I’m genuinely beginning to think they come up with this drivel just to piss people off! I’ve even unearthed stories of folk transferring their savings and mortgages out of Halifax and into some other beleagured institution on the strength of their terrible ads.

At the moment, I can’t decide which of it’s 2 current airings are more offensive – comparing a measly £5 to ‘Gold’ (cue Spandau Ballet) or the women co-presenter who links the acronym ISA with the Hip-Hop song, ‘Ice, Ice, baby’ by Vanilla Ice (cue one-hit wonder uncool 80’s rapper).

But more importantly, it’s our hard earned cash paying for this drivel. A 37billion pound chunk of tax payers money was handed to the bunch of boardroom chumps who single-handly managed to drive the banking industry to it’s knees. So it’s hardly suprising that this lot wouldn’t know a decent idea if it wandered in and gave them a blow-job!

So, to quote and credit the wonderful folk at Adturds as I couldn’t have put it better myself, I think the government should enforce new legislation forcing the banks they have a significant stake in (a 43 per cent stake in Lloyds, which owns HBOS, which is essentially Halifax) to make a series of adverts in their current style where they have to be honest about their underhand attempts to fleece their customers to pay off their horrendous debts.

It could go like this:

FAT BLOKE: We’ve got a caller on Line One!

CALLER: Why are you trying to bum me over overdraft fees?

DJ: Haha! Because we’ve got a carte blanche to brutally hammer every single one of you! Can I just ask if you were conned into banking with us through this risible ‘fiver a month’ deal?

CALLER: Yeah, but with all these overdraft charges it’s a drop in the ocean!

DJ: Of course, that’s the whole point! And how else are we supposed to pay off all those toxic debts we accrued by backing these never-never sub-prime mortgages? By the way, thanks for the 17 billion!

And on that note, here’s The O’Jays, with For the Love of Money! Fuck you all!

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